Goodbye~

Never thought that this was your destiny.  Somehow this was meant to be and as hard as it is, I will do all I can to except and understand it.

Because of you I'm able to look back on something that will always bring a smile to my face.  All the memories made from something you made will always be cherished in my heart.  You are and always will be a huge part of my life.  When I look back to our days at The Guru, I'll smile and remember how great it was, how much I loved being there. Each day went by a little easier with you around to keep my head up.  You helped me work hard and contributed to my goal for my future. I'm glad that we were able to share so many laughs. I'm glad that I could always bring a smile to your face and you to mine. Thank you so much for revealing a part of you and sharing it with me. Thank you so much for just everything.  I will miss you all dearly. I pray that you will always be at peace. I will never forget you.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

 R.I.P~  Sunny, Your parents, Christian, and Peter...

Another sleepless night

i can't stop thinking about it all. i try and i try but everytime i try to shut my eyes to sleep, all i can hear is their voices. their faces are still to clear. i can't stand it because i'll never hear their voices and i'll never see their smiles again. it's so hard to know that i was just right there. i drove by their house and i didnt even know. i didnt even know that it was them. i heard the news and it was worst thing i've ever heard..the worst feeling i've ever felt. i was supposed to see Sunny that day... i was waiting for her call.. i tried to call her... and i didnt even know.. i didnt even know that she was dead. the last time we spoke..the last time i saw her and her beautiful smile.. it's still all so clear to me.. i wish i wish i just had the chance to thank her.. to thank them.. for everything.. for everything they've given to me.. for all our memories.. i cant stand it.. i cant even step foot into the one place where everything was so great. everytime i pass Guru my heart beats so fast. Guru was my home.. they were my family.. it meant and still means so much to me now.. and it's all gone.. it's gone and it's never coming back. now all i see are them on the news. theyre bodies being taken out of their home. all i hear are people on the streets..people everywhere just talking about it.. asking questions.. making assumptions.. everywhere  i go.. it's there.. i cant escape it.. i wish it was all just a bad dream. i cant even feel upset..  i know Peter did what he did.. but still.. i cant even be mad at him... even with him i have so many fond memories.. i just wish there could've been another way for him to escape his troubles.. i wish there was just something. i wish Christian could have enjoyed his first day of school... i wish he could've lived his life.. and been able to experience all the things ahead of him. i wish i could've spoken and laughed a few more times with Sunny's parents.. said hello to them again when they came to work for lunch.. all these things i just can't stop thinking about it.. i cant stop wanting it all to just be a bad dream that i can wake up from. i hate it so much.. i cant forget about.. and i dont want to.. i just wish that it didnt have to hurt to much.. i can look back and smile but the tears keep on flowing.. and they just dont seem to stop. what i wouldnt give to just wake up again, get ready for work.. go there.. and see them all again.. what i wouldnt give...

R.I.P   you are greatly missed...

May you Rest In Peace

dreaming about work. woke up and stared at the ceiling. prayed for it to all be a dream. it wasn't. it isn't. i still can't believe it. walked into the kitchen and the first thing i saw snapped me back to the reality. sat down and read today's new's paper. the front page. the pictures. the pain..devistation..sarrow... the tragedy. i hate it.

their faces are still so clear to me. the sound of their voices. the last time i ever saw them. the last time we ever spoke. i miss walking through Guru's front door... "anyong hasayo!" making Sunny laugh and hearing her say "Kiny!!"  remembering little Christian running around and pretending to "shoot me with his lazer beams". the sound of him running away because he knew i was going to tickle the crap out of him. Sunny's parents.. we didn't say much to eachother but i can still remember their gentle smiles.  Peter...  how i constantly wonder what was going through your head. the face you put on each time i saw you at work, was someone completely different.despite it all, i will remember all the times you made sure that i was okay at work. how you always let me know that if i needed anything.. anything at all to just ask you. Jane... Thank God you're okay. that you were in vancouver. thank God i can still see you and talk to you.. and hug you.  My prayers are with you. may God give you strength in this tragic time.

Times Colonist:

http://www.canada.com/victoriatimescolonist/news/story.html?id=3e8d3407-adab-4eed-be75-2af3177d97c5&k=2307

http://www.canada.com/victoriatimescolonist/news/story.html?id=095ec57a-9338-44ca-aef8-f55d191d8449&k=22368

 
Mom & Sunny

Jong In & Peter

 
Me & Christian

R.I.P

some time to think

the restaurant's been closed for almost 2 weeks now. it's going to be closed until september. i'm waiting for my cheque. i'm waiting for a phone call. 

i've been at home for probably the most time this whole summer. it feels good and it's given me a lot of time to just relax, breath, think, and pray. i like it. i like how different it feels, how good it feels to be home. i think it's time that i've needed for so long now. a prayer answered with more that fallowed.

i'm on my meds again. the drugs are taking me on a ride. a familiar emotional rollercoaster. "it's great" *thumbs up*.

what have i been up to this summer? a lot. it's been good. just going with the flow. spending time with people i care about. thinking. reminiscing. waiting. praying. looking ahead. i'm excited and so scared at the same time. trusting because He's got it under control. i've just gotta take the first few steps and i'll be on my way. it's been memorable and there's more to come.

Shout outs:

Love:   thank you for always being there. no matter how crazy i am with 'emo-nis' and just plane me. i love you more than i could ever explain, more than i could ever express. i dont know what'd i do without you or where i'd be. you're the big sister i don't really deserve, but God blessed me with you anyways and i'm lovin' it.

Harry: why am i so lucky? what did i do for God to bless me with you. it's amazing. i cant wait for what our future together brings. i honestly couldn't ask for more. i'm missing you like a child misses their blanket. xoxo.

Jason G.:  i wish we could talk.  i just want to say thank you. for all that you've done. for all that you've given to me.  i hope the future is brighter.  i only pray for the best for you. i apologise [you know why... at least i hope you do]. you dont deserve what i've put you through. i hope you read this.

Lord: You are the Alpha and the Omega. only you can truly understand what i keep inside. I thank You... for everything.

It's crazy how things change so fast.  so fast you can't even say goodbye until it's gone. 

i love...

how freakin emo i am right now hahaha...

PLEASE GO AWAY SOON!!!!